Snow White and the merc with a mouth
by Farrell14
Summary: What happens when you babysit your niece who watches disney movies nonstop while you read your new Deadpool comic? This Crossover. Not a crack romance story but still crack. Ratet T but should probably be rated M For Deadpool Violence so be forewarned. Enjoy! May be a standalone not sure yet.


Snow White belongs to Disney and Deadpool belongs to Marvel or is that the same now. Whatever enjoy.

* * *

The first thing Snow White noticed as she regained her senses was that she couldn't see a thing. A blindfold covered her eyes. She tried to call out for help but discovered a cloth covering her mouth as well.

"Mmph!" Was all she managed to let out. In panic, she tried to move only to discover that her wrists and ankles were bound together and strong rope tied her torso and arms behind her back. She also noticed she was lying on a mattress. A few more moments of desperate struggling and muffled cries proved useless. Suddenly Snow White heard someone humming a cheerful tune, which considering her current situation was quite unsettling.

"Hey, you're awake at last! Thanks for joining with me for this crossover fanfiction." A disturbingly upbeat voice suddenly said to her. The gleeful tone of his voice chilled Snow White's blood in her veins. "Well maybe it shouldn't be called a crossover? I mean our universes are connected now since your company owns my company. We're kinda like coworkers now, you know what I mean?" The seemingly cheerful man said with a chuckle.

The man's ramblings absolutely confused Snow White. _"Fanfiction? Our worlds are connected? Whatever do you mean by all of this? Who are you? Why have you abducted me? Are you? Insane?" _Snow White thought to herself in fright. Snow White's memory came flooding back to her at that moment. She recalled picking flowers in the meadow outside of the Queen's castle when suddenly someone came up from behind her and clamped their hand down on her mouth. A second later her abductor pinched her neck and then everything went black. It was the last thing she remembered before waking up to her current predicament.

"Thanks for the explanatory flashback author, now let's move the plot along shall we?" The mysterious abductor said to nobody in particular. "Mmph?" Snow mumbled through her gag in bewilderment. And with that the man removed her blindfold. As soon as Snow White's vision cleared, she got her first glimpse of her captor. It was quite a shock for the delicate princess to see a man clad in black and red and his face covered in a similar mask. The man's red attire was clad with pouches which holstered long objects which she was unable to identify (guns) and had two swords latched to his back. The room she found herself was also strange. It was small and all white with a single source of light that protruding from the ceiling; though the room was dimly lit, the light was bright enough that Snow had to squint when she looked at it.

"The name is Wade. Wade Wilson. But everybody calls me Deadpool." The man said introducing himself. Still reeling from the shock of her situation, Snow White could only stare in terrified wonder at the man as he knelt down to her level and made eye contact. "They also call me the merc with the mouth, the sultan of sarcasm, the regenerate degenerate, and the breaker of the fourth wall." Deadpool continued happily.

"Mmph?" Snow White mumbled. _"What is this strangeness you speak of? Why did you take me, why are you doing this to me?" _She thought to herself wishing she could talk to the insane man, in hopes of getting answers from him.

"I bet you're wondering why I kidnapped you, are you?" Deadpool asked with a chuckle. Snow White could only nod her head in agreement.

"Well you see I got hired to kill you by your stepmother." Wade said nonchalantly. Snow White's eyes widen as she gasped in shock and moved back away in fear screaming through her gag.

"Why do people always freak out when I say something like that?" Deadpool asked the thin air. Seeing her terror Wade moved in closer. "Relax I'm not going to kill you." Deadpool said reassuringly as he coughed something that sounded suspiciously like 'maybe'. "Just kidnap you for ransom, I mean I still got to get paid for my time, you know what I mean?" Deadpool explained; putting an arm around the still tied up and very terrified girl as he sat down next to her. "You see I have an image to maintain, what would my fans think if I suddenly went totally good? I wouldn't be one of Marvel's top selling characters anymore, or is that Disney's top selling characters?" Deadpool explained to Snow White as if she would know what in the world he was talking about.

_"But if you're not going to kill me then why did you abduct me? My stepmother would never do anything to have me released. Oh does the prince know about this? Please I hope he comes for me." _Snow White thought with tears starting to stream down her face; wishing she could at least try to talk to the man in hopes of reasoning with him, but that was looking very unlikely. If Deadpool did see Snow White cry, he didn't show it. He just kept on talking

"I mean my fans tolerate a lot of my epic awesomeness of shooting and killing things, but I think killing a Disney princess may be a bit much even for my fan base. I pretty much have been on the good side of things for a while now; I mean my fans were actually pretty disturbed when I locked Weasel and Blind Al in that closet with all the razor sharp blades so they couldn't move ya know? But then they thought it was funny when I shot that hot Asian doctor that I had a crush on when I battled all those really cool Dracula ninja mummy warrior guys who invaded a hospital, and when I killed that delivery guy who told some awful rumors about an unseen character and my overall amoral behavior, plus I tell a bunch of jokes while I do all this; my fans like that, they don't want me to be all goody good hero like Captain America or Spider-Man who just has to do the right thing and beat up bad guys and that's it." Deadpool vented to the very confused Snow White who tried to scoot away but Wade feeling her trying to get away pulled her in closer. "It's so hard to be an anti-hero, ya know?" Deadpool sighed as he turned to Snow White who could only stare in bewilderment.

"Thanks; you're a great listener, being tied up and gagged and all." Deadpool complimented the bound and terrified princess with a pat on the head.

Snow White felt a pang of sympathy for Wade despite his apparent kidnapping of her. Not because she understood his point but because his ramblings made his fragile mental state very apparent. _"This poor man is so mad; He just lives inside his delusions. Maybe he's not evil; he didn't kill me after all. He did say something about being on the good side." _Snow White thought to herself hopefully.

"Hey! I should probably tell you about how I met you're stepmom! Otherwise this whole story won't make any sense!" Deadpool suddenly exclaimed which startled the princess. "So, prepare yourself for a tale of suspense and Intrigue, guns and violence!" Wade exclaimed as he outstretched his hand and drew Snow White closer to him.

"Mmph?" Snow White mumbled through her gag.

"Shh! The flashback is starting." He said.

_Much earlier:_

"So you want me to kill Snow White so you can be the fairest in the land, am I getting this right?" Deadpool asked the Queen before him sitting upon the thrown. There was an unsettling long pause as the Queen kept a straight face. But her eyes were as wide as saucers; giving her away. This of course was not lost on Wade.

"Exactly what did I say that was so strange?" He asked.

"How did you know that?" The Queen demanded; eyes narrowing on Deadpool.

"Excuse me?" Deadpool responded puzzled

"You appeared out of nowhere and told me exactly what I wanted! How is that possible?!" The Queen spoke; her voice rising.

"Really? I did? Man my fourth wall sense must be off the chain right now!" Deadpool exclaimed to no one in particular. The Queen on the other hand arched eyebrow curiously at the demented mercenary before her.

"I beg your pardon?" The Queen asked with impatience.

"Nothing." Deadpool responded; changing the subject. The Queen inhaled deeply to re-compose herself.

"If we may get back to matter at hand, Mr. Wilson?" The Queen firmly demanded.

"Absolutely! What were we talking about here again?" Deadpool asked the Queen who exhaled deeply as she started to wonder if bringing this man to her was as good an idea as it seemed.

"My stepdaughter is plotting to take over my kingdom from me, with the help of a prince from another kingdom." The Queen started with mock sadness. "Do you understand what it is like to have someone try to betray you, after how I've cared for her; after her father died" The Queen said in fake mournful putting a hand over her heart as if in emotional distress.

"Uh huh, really?" Deadpool said as he scratched his chin in curiosity. Deadpool of course knew all about betrayal, Weapon X, Bob agent of Hydra, Weasel, and Blind Al to name a few. But at that moment Deadpool's pool-a-vision kicked in. Deadpool saw the Queen still with her malicious gleam in her eye except printed on the front of her robes was the word in big bold letters LIAR with her buttocks literally farting fire. "I completely understand you my lady, completely." Wade said with a grin under his mask.

"You must kill her immediately." The Queen stated with intensity. Now it was Deadpool's turn to raise an eyebrow. "And when you do; bring her heart back in this box; as proof of her death." The Queen said with malice.

"Uh huh? Really? Yeah, has anybody ever told you, you have some serious anger management issues?" Deadpool joked. "If I may, I do have a few questions for you?" Deadpool asked.

"Of course Mr. Wilson." The Queen replied.

"First off, how did you find me? Second how did I get here?" Deadpool asked counting off the questions.

"To answer your questions, Mr. Wilson I have my ways that must remain a secret; you understand of course?" The Queen said to him while curiously looking towards a mirror towards the far end of the room. Deadpool arched his eyebrow again this time, curiously at the mirror the queen was looking at.

"Gotcha." Deadpool understanding her point thanks to his fourth wall sense. "So how did I get here anyway? Cause I was just trying to teleport to my favorite place to get chimichangas and here I was. That's a real plot hole in this story so far." Deadpool explained expositioningly.

"I opened a pathway between our worlds. I have certain… Abilities Mr. Wilson, which assisted you in coming here from…Where it was you, came from." The Queen said delicately.

"In other words your freaky magic somehow linked to my teleporter that brought me here; I will be able to get back of course?" Deadpool asked.

"Of course Mr. Wilson, once your task is complete, you will be able to return to where it was you came from." The Queen replied rather eagerly.

"Good to hear, because I was nearing 100% completion on Gears of War, I can't live without my X-Box. Hey! Did you hear! I'm getting my very own standalone video game; it's going to be epic! Like Arkham City, It comes out this summer!" Deadpool exclaimed in very excited tone.

The Queen's expression went from malice indifference to shock in an instant. She had no Idea what a babbling fool this Deadpool was, even though the slave in the magic mirror had warned her against hiring Deadpool. After witnessing his work via the mirror though, the temptation to have Snow White killed by his hand was far too tempting to pass up. Now she was hoping to just give him his pay and kill Snow White before his idiocy infected her as well.

"Yeah speaking of payment, can we get to that part please because this scene is beginning to drag on and there is this really epic scene the author has planned for me in a few minutes." Deadpool said to the perplexed Queen.

_"This brain addled imbecile can read minds apparently. Very well, if it will get rid of you and Snow White then so be it." _The Queen thought.

And with that the Queen threw a bag of coins to Wade. Wade held the coins and examined them for an uncomfortably long period of time.

"Is there problem Mr. Wilson?" The Queen asked in an irritated tone.

"HAHAHA! That's a good one!" Deadpool laughed with hilarity

"What?" The Queen said, with her fury barely withstanding.

"I charge ten times this just to steal something, and you want to me to kill a popular Disney character for this HAHAHA!?" Deadpool explained through his uproarious laughter looking at the paltry amount in his possession. "Buh bye." Deadpool stated as he began to exit the throne room, throwing the pathetic sack of coins over his shoulder.

"You dare reject my offer!" The Queen hollered in anger.

"Hmm let me think about that? Hmm yeah I'm pretty turning you down." Deadpool mocked. "Besides I'm not really a bad guy anymore I'm trying to be one of the good guys. I think killing a Disney Princess would seriously put a cramp in that." Deadpool explained as he prepared to teleport away.

"Guards!" The Queen furiously commanded. Immediately, heavy footsteps began approaching from the halls of the castle. Within seconds Wade found himself surrounded by a dozen guards dressed like they were from the local renaissance festival, armed with swords, axes, and crossbows.

"Okay, call these buttheads off or I'll.. "Deadpool said with menacing tone to the assembled hostiles before him.

"Or what Mr. Wilson? You'll kill all of them? These men are my best!" The Queen arrogantly interrupted.

Deadpool couldn't help but wickedly grin at the Queen under his mask. He turned to the assembled guards before him. "So? Who wants to go first?" Wade asked with evil smile as he pumped his fists together. One particularly foolish guard charged Wade and thrust his sword right into Deadpools midsection. Thanks to Deadpools hyperactive healing factor it didn't kill him. In fact he seemed quite unfazed. "Oh I'm sorry, was something supposed to happen?" Deadpool asked the shocked guard. "Yeah I can't be killed, healing factor you know how it is?" Deadpool said as he calmly removed the sword from his belly. His wound healed instantly. Which caused a collective gasp from the assembled guards. "See?" Deadpool pointed. Wade pulled out a glock 9mm pistol and put it to the guards head. "Hey! wanna hear a song? It's called fish in a barrel." Deadpool said to the scared guard who had no idea what Deadpool was pointing at his head. "It goes something like this. BANG!" Deadpool said as he shot the guards brains out 5 feet out the back of his head. The Queen could only gasp in horror, but nothing could prepare her for what was to come.

Before any other guard could react Deadpool pulled out a second gun out and began shooting other guards at complete random. "Bang! Bang! Bang!" He excitedly cried as he shot guards in a 360 degree direction sending blood and sinew splattering all over the walls. Within 15 seconds several dead; blood drenched guards lay dead with six survivors who were fortunate for the moment to have taken cover or managed to defend themselves with their shields stared in shock as Deadpool, holding his two guns in an intimidating pose with a knowing grin showing through his mask spoke. "Aww shucks; I'm all out bullets, that's ok I have swords! C'mon boys the night is still young! BWAHAHA!" Deadpool maniacally laughed at the guards as he pulled his twin katanas out.

One guard attempted to charge Wade with his sword slashing. But Deadpool was of course far superior to any nameless henchman. He simply ducked under the wild swing of the guardsmen and slashed at his belly. "Ackk" The poor soul cried in his last breath. The guard made it a few steps before he split in half, spilling his guts in an epic gory splendor. Three others took aim at Wade with their crossbows, but Wade being Wade anticipated this and promptly threw the fourth guard who attempted to attack him in front the salvo of arrows with one going through his throat, the next going in his chest and the third going into his pelvis. In the blink of an eye Deapool dropped the dead guard and leaped at the trio and promptly decapitated all three with swipe of his dual katanas sending arterial blood spray everywhere. The final guard tried to attack Wade from behind only to be run through by Wade who sensed him coming. When it was all said and done eleven laid dead in their own blood while the twelfth lay mortally wounded grimacing in agony which Deadpool didn't take notice or care to.

"Ahh, there's nothing like an epic massacre of expendable minions to get the blood pumping." Deadpool sighed with sarcasm. A panicked Queen was attempting to escape but was cut off by Wade who suddenly appeared in an explosive red flash. "Wouldn't you agree?" Wade asked a terrified Queen in a menacingly sarcastic tone.

"Arghh, no!" The Queen screamed as she fell backwards to the ground.

"So? Any reason, I shouldn't slice and dice you up and dunk into a tank of piranhas?" Deadpool demanded with malice to the Queen.

"Wait!" The quivering Queen begged as she crawled away from Wilson who had his swords out ready to kill.

"What?" Deadpool asked impatiently at the cowering woman before him.

"You can take her! As payment! In exchange to spare my life" The Queen bargained.

"Who?" Deadpool asked with genuine curiosity

"Snow White!" The Queen explained through heavy breathy.

"Snow White? And what would I want with her?" Deadpool asked the Queen who had picked herself up off the floor.

"She cooks and cleans; you can have her as a servant." The Queen explained as quickly she could.

"Hmm? That is something to think about." Wade said as he scratched his chin. "Well I haven't had a slave slash housekeeper slash roommate since I let Blind Al go." Deadpool thought out loud Imagining Snow White in a sexy French maids outfit serving him beer and onion rings while he watches TV, thanks to his pool-a vision.

Hearing this gave the Queen renewed hope that her life would be spared.

"Of course I could just kill you in the most horrible way possible and just take her just for the helluva it. That's still an option." Deadpool suddenly said in a nonchalant manner with a smirk forming in the corner of his mouth.

"No please, have mercy!" The Queen begged.

"Mercy! Mercy? You've got me confused for some other Deadpool here lady!" Wade exclaimed in mock offense. "Tell you what; if you promise to never to come after me or any of my interests, I will take Snow and spare your life; deal?" Deadpool offered.

"Thank you! Than-Ackk!" The Queen started to say but was cut off by Wade who had grabbed her throat with an iron grip.

"I mean that! Don't plot anything, don't try any moves against me or I will kill you!" Deadpool said in the most threatening manner he could. "I'm talking slicing your arms and legs off, giving you Glasgow smile, gouging out your eyes, and shoving a hand grenade down your throat when I'm done with you. Understand me?" He went on.

The Queen could only nod in agreement. And with that Wade dropped the Queen like a sack of potatoes.

"Good, pleasure doing business with you, bye now." Deadpool cheerfully said he walked away and reloaded one of his pistols. The Queen staggering to get to her feet watched as Deadpool walked out the exit passing the corpses of the guards he had slaughtered earlier. Passing the mortally wounded guard who was still grimacing in pain from his injury, Wade casually shot the man in the head killing him.

"I will have my vengeance on you for this!" The Queen declared quietly to herself as Wilson disappeared in a puff of red smoke.

_Present:_

"So for the time being; you're my hostage; housekeeper; roommate or something." Deadpool said to Snow White as he untied her.

Despite her relief at finally being untied, Snow White still was still reeling from her situation and the revelation from Wade. She knew her stepmother hated her for whatever reason, but to pay someone to kill her? Just when she finally met someone who was so kind to her? Her heart couldn't help but ache when she thought of the Prince she had met just days before. Of course this man, Dead-Pool was it? Could be lying, but she doubted that possibility. The way he described the Queen made that unlikely

Deadpool couldn't help but notice tears forming in her eyes again. "Hey what's with the long face?" Wade asked sincerely.

"The Prince, I was hoping to meet him again." Snow White managed to say through some sobs.

"Oh, that guy! Don't worry about that! We made an arrangement."

"Huh?" Snow White sighed with confusion.

"Yeah, once he pays me; you're free to go!" Deadpool said happily.

"You have met him?" Snow meekly, but hopefully asked Deadpool.

Wade looked up reminiscing about the 'arrangement.'

_Earlier:_

The Prince walked along the pathway happily outside his own castle when suddenly an explosion of red smoke appeared in front of him. More startling then that was that a man dressed in red and black stood before him. "Howdy; you that nameless Prince guy dating Snow White?" Deadpoool asked.

"What?" The Prince asked in surprise when the strange man said Snow White's name.

Instead of responding to his question Deadpool promptly punched the Prince right in the face knocking him unconscious. A few moments later the Prince awoke with a massive headache. The first thing his senses picked up on was that his face was covered in sheets of paper. Once he gathered himself up he examined the papers that were left on his face. It was quite disturbing. With a doodle Deadpool drew of himself smiling and waving, it read:

_"Dear prince fancy dweeb. I'm the guy holding Snow White hostage. If you wish to ever see her again bring me lots of jewels, gold and silver or whatever it is you call currency and get back to this location two weeks from today. Don't be cheap or try to outsmart me! You will never see her again if you try. Don't believe me? Look at the other paper._

Yet with another doodle of Deadpool, this one pointing to photograph of Snow White unconscious and tied up. Looking further down the Prince noticed more writing.

_"Glad to see I have your complete undivided attention. Just to reiterate don't get smart. Just pay up and you two will get your happy ending. Got it? Great! See you here in two months! (With payment)_

_Now: _

"So, he's going to pay you to have me released?" Snow White asked with a small smile forming

"Yeah sure!" Deadpool said reassuring the Princess with a pat on the head, not telling her the details.

"Allow me to show around my humble abode." Deadpool said with faux charm. Wade led Snow White by the arm around into the rest of apartment from what was a closet. As Wade led the young girl around, Snow White was shocked at not only the amazing array of modern amenities such as TV's, refrigerators, self-heating stoves, and lamps (which Wade explained but Snow White couldn't understand) but mostly at Deadpools atrocious housekeeping. There were used magazines thrown about, dishes piled up in the sink, many have never been scrubbed. The floor they walked on was so sticky Snow White almost came out of her dainty little sandals as they stuck to the floor. Deadpool meanwhile rattled off explanations as he gave a quick tour of his home, seemingly unashamed of his housekeeping or lack thereof. Snow White thought it might actually be worse than cleaning the castle.

Deadpool showed Snow White her bedroom (which simply had bed in it) that led the bathroom, which was disgusting as there were stains on the toilet bowl and the floor, but the bathtub and shower head were surprisingly clean, most likely from lack of usage. Wade showed Snow White how the tub and shower worked which the Princess understood quickly. Lastly Deadpool showed Snow White the door that led to his room but never opened it to show her what was inside. "So there you have it." Deadpool declared once his impromptu tour was done. "And now I'm going to be getting us some grub."Deadpool declared. Snow White raised a curious eyebrow.

"Grub?" Snow White asked.

"Food, dinner." Deadpool replied to her question. "Hey you like tacos?" Deadpool asked. "I like the hard kind y'know for the crunch! You must have the crunch!" Deadpool continued talking as if Snow White had any clue as to what he was talking about. "Anyway cleaning stuff is over there, I left instructions with them so while I'm out start cleaning! Oh and no escape attempts either. Bye now!" Deadpool waved happily as he disappeared in a puff of red smoke.

Deadpool's disappearing act shocked Snow White that she fell on her behind. But getting over it quickly she ran to door trying to get it open only to discover it was locked. "Of course, what should I have expected?" She said to herself. Trying a window next she noticed she was several stories up, even if she did make it out, the long drop would have killed her. Even though it was dark out, Snow White could see they were in a city and from looks of it a large one at that. The buildings were of a design that Snow had never seen before and were very large and lit up as far she could see. Snow realized what Deadpool said was true; she was not in her own world anymore. She sank to the floor in brief pit of despair at her situation. After a few moments she recomposed herself. She resided herself to the fact that there was no easy escape. Looking at the cleaning equipment from across the room (A bucket full of water, a mop, bottle of dish water soap, etc..) She went over to them and read the instruction which were easy enough to understand. "Well I suppose I should start." Snow White began making up the cleaning utensils and went right to work.

First mopping up the floor, it was a relatively small apartment so it didn't exactly take a long time. Next came dusting which was surprisingly easy thanks to special static duster. Then the kitchen and the bathroom both of which were the toughest because of the stains but she quickly began to clean thanks to her expertise and the modern stain removers that 21st century technology provided. Over the course of her work she began to think of the Prince and a sweet melody that always got her mind off her troubles. A song that got her hoping for a brighter future, away from her stepmother, and the castle.

"_I'm wishing, for the one I love, to find me, today. I'm hoping, and I'm dreaming of the nice things he will. I'm wishing for the one I love, to find me, today." _She sang hoping Deadpool would keep his word and releases her to him, so she could finally have a truly happy life.

After nearly an hour of work the apartment was much improved then it was beforehand. Snow was actually impressed with herself, even though she usually was responsible for cleaning a whole castle. The state of this small apartment was so horrendous, that it actually proved somewhat challenging to clean up. She was wondering what she should do until Deadpool returned when she looked to the door leading to Wade's room. "Oh dear I didn't clean his room." Snow White realized. She stood at the door wondering if she should go in or not. "Well he never said I couldn't go in." She said to herself.

And With that she entered his room. Not surprisingly it was as strange as Deadpool was. There were long cylindrical objects on one wall, which Snow White didn't know were assault rifles and rocket launchers. On another wall was a large poster of an old woman. Under the image of the woman it read: Bea Arthur 1922-2009. "Could she be a Queen? His mother perhaps?" Snow White asked herself looking at the image of the woman. The room like the rest of the apartment was a total mess. Snow went right to work in cleaning the room, which was done very quickly. As Snow was making his bed, she took notice of a series of photographs of women on the dresser next to his bed. Above the photographs was a sign that said_: The women of Deadpool _with little hearts drawn on it. One was of a woman was pale white with a black patch over left eye; she also wore what appeared to be skintight leather. Another woman was clad in western attire. The strangest thing to Snow White wasn't the clothes the woman was wearing (for how immodest it was) but the little message written in pink on the image:

"_We did it!" _

"Did what?" Snow Wondered to herself. Looking at other pictures she saw more photographs, one was of normal looking woman with reddish brown hair wearing a pink top and jeans. Strangely two smaller photographs had their images completely scratched that read Copycat and Typhoid Mary. The strangest thing Snow saw was a drawing that appeared to be of the angel of death, with Deadpool sitting on her lap happily. It was startlingly. The final photograph was the largest and was placed in the center of the dresser. The photo was of a beautiful red haired woman in purple and yellow leather armor with a pink heart drawn around her. Snow noticed a sheet of paper underneath the picture folded. Opening it up, she realized it was a letter. It read:

_ "Dear Wade,_

_I hope this letter finds ye well, ya crazy badger. I wanted to write you because I've heard some good things about you and some not so good things from the grapevine. I guess I wanted to write to let ye know Wade; keep on the path to righteousness Wade. You know you are capable of it. I've seen that side to ye Wade. I know what you went through makes it hard for you to understand such things; but I know what you can do; the good and the bad. Please Wade, keep trying to be good, I know you can do it._

_Love Always,_

_Theresa_

_PS, Happy Valentines._

"So, working hard? Or hardly working?" The voice Deadpool suddenly said from behind her, which made Snow White jump in surprised. Having Deadpool appear behind her from nowhere was scary enough for Snow White, but to be caught snooping, was the all the more terrifying. Snow White had snooped before on her stepmother but had never been caught. "Oh, I cleaned your room for you." Snow White said sweetly as she discreetly put the paper back on the dresser. It was dark and she was hoping he didn't see her. He didn't.

"Aww that's cute." Deadpool cooed sarcastically. "But it's WRONG!" Wade screamed, scaring Snow White. "Out!" Deadpool commanded Snow. Snow fled the room in fear. "Tacos are on the table!" Wade added cheerfully as she exited the room in fright.

Snow White for the second time in less than an hour fell to her knees and cried. His contradictions scared Snow White the most. He acted like such cheerful friendly man, and yet his actions and what he says were so disturbing to her. Kidnapping her and the way he described killing people. He did it with such enthusiasm, and he absolutely terrified her. The smell of spicy food slowly snapped her out of her frightful despair. She was so hungry and it did smell rather good. Looking up, indeed food was placed in the middle of a table set for two. Going to the sink in the kitchen, Snow turned the faucet on to wash her hands, mostly out of force of habit, not out of necessity.

She sat the table and waited for Deadpool to arrive, not yet eating. "_It didn't hurt to be polite."_ she thought. The food was wrapped in paper with Taco Hut written on it. There were also paper containers that were dripping with condensation. When she opened the lid on the container it fizzled, which startled Snow. When she looked closer she realized it was a drink of some kind. Soon enough Deadpool emerged from his bedroom with his _spongebob squarepants_ jammies. Wade still wore his mask. "Ahh there's nothing like putting on some comfy threads to make a guy feel like a champ, let's eat." Wade sighed contently.

Snow bowed her head to pray while Wade dug right in with some of the worst manners one might imagine. The crunching of him chewing his food was quite rude. Although she was quite offended by this she saw no use in speaking about it for fear of offending him and placing herself in further danger. Snow delicately un-wrapped her own taco. Watching Wade scarf down his food, Snow White carefully bit into the taco. The initial taste burned her tongue but she was so hungry she continued to eat the rest of the tacos she had, which she thought were actually quite good. Snow and Wade ate in uncomfortable silence. It was the longest Wade had been quiet. Growing thirsty, Snow White nervously tried her drink which she opened earlier. The fizz of the Sprite caused her to shudder in discomfort. After a few moments and a few sips of this Snow decided she could not finish her drink. _"At least he fed me something."_ She thought to herself. _"It was actually nice of him."_ Snow White allowed herself to form a small smile. Her stepmother usually forced her to cook her own meals.

"Hey! you didn't do bad cleaning this place." Deadpool suddenly complimented her with a mouthful of food.

Hearing a compliment made Snow White's smile grow wider. "Why thank you." She replied genuinely.

"Seriously this place looks awesome!" Deadpool exclaimed causing Snow White's smile to grow even wider. "I'm totally rethinking of letting you go." Wade said nonchalantly as he slurped his soda.

"What! But you promised to let me go if the Prince paid you!" Snow White cried.

Seeing the tears form in her eyes Wade quickly backtracked. "Just kidding." Wade said with a chuckle while coughing something that sounded like 'sort of.'

And just like that they were back to sitting in uncomfortable silence. Wade looked at the downtrodden Snow White while he continued to slurp his soda which was long gone. Deadpool hated silence.

"What's his name?" Wilson asked out of nowhere.

"What?" Snow White asked.

"His name?" Deadpool repeated.

"Who?" Snow White asked in confusion.

"You know who." Deadpool insisted.

After a moment it dawned on Snow White that Wade was referring to the Prince. "Oh." Snow White cooed. Thinking about it Snow White realized something. "I'm afraid I don't know what his name is." Snow White conceded.

"You're in love with a guy and you don't know what his name his?" Deadpool sincerely asked.

"Well I never had a chance to ask him." Snow White explained. Deadpool nodded in reply listening. "I was working in the courtyard and started singing to myself; I do that to get my mind off of my troubles." Snow White reminisced with a smile. "Suddenly he appeared out of nowhere, and sang to me. The very song I was singing." She emphasized.

"Really he just showed up and sang the song you were singing to yourself?" Deadpool asked incredulously.

"Yes." Snow White replied sweetly.

"I tried that with Mary Jane Watson one time and all she did was run away in terror from me." Wade said. "I mean sheez she and Spider-Man had their relationship retconned." Deadpool added, breaking the fourth wall.

Snow White burst out with the sweetest laughter you ever heard. "What? You get my sense of humor all of sudden?" Deadpool asked genuinely perplexed.

"Oh no! It's just I did run away from him when he did that." Snow White said with peppy grin.

"Really?" Wade replied.

"Yes. He startled me." Snow explained.

"What do you see in this guy?" Deadpool sincerely asked Snow White.

"Well, he was very sweet to me." Snow Simply replied.

"So? Guys are sweet all the time. Girls don't automatically fall in love with them." Deadpool replied dryly.

"Well, living under my stepmother's cruelty for so long, when someone came up to me, being so kind and gentle to me; it just sort of happened." Snow White sweetly explained. Remembering the letter she read in his bedroom, specifically the part about 'what he went through' Snow decided to venture delicately to that subject. "Do you know what that is like? To go through something horrible, you're whole life being unloved and all you can really do is wish and hope for something better to come. And then all of the sudden, someone comes along and they show you kindness and love for the first time in a long time and you don't want it to end?" Snow White explained smiling.

Deadpool couldn't help but smirk. He did recall his relationship with Siryn, really the only woman he ever loved. He still remembered her as the first person to show him genuine affection. Honestly he first decided to change his ways because of her. "Yeah believe it or not, yeah I do understand that point." Deadpool replied with a smile when he thought of Siryn.

Snow White smiled as well. It was then that she noticed Wade's hands. They were scarred; she then looked at Wade's chin. The bottom portion of his mask was pulled up so he could eat. His chin was as badly scarred as his hands. "Oh goodness! Your hands." Snow White exclaimed. She took Deadpools hands in her own to examine them. Wade seemed to get uneasy at this. Looking up at his face she placed her hands to his scarred face. "What happened?" She gently asked.

"Don't worry about it." Wade said in a low irritated voice.

"But!" Snow White tried to argue.

"Don't worry about it! Just leave it!" Wade insisted as he roughly grabbed Snow White's wrists and pushed them away. Snow White relented and sat back down.

"I'm so sorry; I was not trying to pry." Snow genuinely apologized. Wade was sincerely taken aback. No one ever apologized to him for anything and actually mean it. "Uhm? Thanks?" Wade asked with uncertainty.

"Of course." Snow White replied with a small smile.

Deadpool couldn't believe how utterly sweet Snow White was. After the abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepmother, and apologizing to _him_ for prying into his business, after kidnapping her, admittedly for money and nothing more. It made no sense to him.

"How do you do it?" Wade asked Snow

"Do what?" Snow White asked.

"Be so nice?" Deadpool asked sincerely. "I mean your stepmother has this serious mad on against you, I kidnapped you for ransom, hold you prisoner and yet you still act like Mary Sunshine; how?"

Even though Snow White didn't understand the phrases Deadpool used she understood his question enough.

"Well, I suppose if you have to know. I guess it is because I don't want to be like my stepmother." Snow explained.

"What do you mean?" Deadpool asked genuinely confused.

"I mean how else can someone be so cruel?" Snow White started to explain. "She must have been treated very similarly. And I don't wish be like her, never." Snow went on.

"Well when someone did that to me and believe me they did that and then some; they ended up bound, gagged, doused in accelerant and lit on fire." Deadpool vividly described recalling his own experience from weapon x.

Snow couldn't help but shudder at Wade's intense imagery but decided to continue to talk to him. "Well I can certainly respect why you did that." Snow began ever so cautiously. "But seeing how she is, I don't want end up like her; I hope you can understand why I choose not to do that?" Snow said meekly looking up at Wade. _"Someone did something horrible to him. That's why he's like this." _Snow White thought to herself.

Wade's small smirk returned. He had to respect Snow's small show of strength to him. "Aww, you're a sweet kid. I can't help but like ya." Wade conceded as he reached across to pinch her cheeks which caused Snow White to grimace in pain. "Hey clean these dishes; _Golden Girls_ will be on in a minute!" Deadpool exclaimed as he bolted from his seat.

Not quite understanding what Wade was saying after 'clean these dishes' Snow White gathered and began to wash them in the sink. As she finished with the dishes she suddenly heard Deadpool singing from the living room. _"Thank you for being a friend, traveled down the road and back again. Your heart is true; you're a pal and confidant. And if you threw a party and invited everyone you ever knew. You would see the biggest gift is from me and the card attach would read thank you for being a friend." _

Curiosity getting the better of Snow, she decided to see what Deadpool was singing about. While he was hardly a good singer, the words he sang were very sweet Snow thought. Sitting down next to him on a very comfortable sofa Snow White was captivated by what she thought was another magic mirror. It was so large and the image so clear. "Oh you have a magic mirror too!" Snow Exclaimed.

"Uh, yeah sure, Shh!" Deadpool replied not really wanting to explain or be interrupted.

Snow watched with fascination at the actions of the women on the screen. She slowly came to realize they were performers and not really going through the actions as depicted.

"Oh my beloved Bea, you died so young." Wade said to the screen.

Snow recognized the woman from the poster. _"So that's who she is." _Snow thought to herself. _"A _ _performer_._"_ Deadpool really liked her, she could tell. It was strange; she thought she didn't really feel like a prisoner right at the moment. Not that he himself wasn't really treating her like a prisoner. Not like her stepmother did. Snow White couldn't help but think of the pictures she saw on Wade's dresser. All those people especially the red haired woman. The one he saved the letter from. It clearly meant something to him. It was really the only time she saw him get angry _with her _was when she staring at them_._ Snow White couldn't help but think, _"Are you lonely? Is that why you really refused to kill me? Is that why you're holding me here?" _She thought as she looked over at Wade who was laughing out loud at the _Golden Girls_ antics. Even though Wade acted like a friendly enough man, his actions betrayed a deeply disturbed mind Snow knew. Kidnapping her, holding her prisoner, gleefully talked about how he's killed people which she believed he was capable of. Despite all of this Snow couldn't help but have pity on Wade. _"If you weren't insane what kind of man could you have been?" _Snow thought. These thoughts traveled through her tender mind as her eyes gradually grew heavy and she lightly yawned. It had been an exhausting ordeal even though it wasn't over.

"Oh man there is nothing a three hour _Golden Girls _marathon to help a dude sleep." Deadpool said to himself. "Wouldn't you..?" Wade began to say to Snow White who had fallen fast asleep. "Agree?" Deadpool finished. "Hmph? Ok see ya later then." Wade began to walk to his room. But something made him stop and look at Snow again. She didn't seem very comfortable there hanging over the edge of the sofa like that Wade thought. Going back over to her Wade reached under her arms and legs and lifted her into his arms. carefully not cause her to wake. Wade gently carried her to her room and placed her in bed delicately placing her head on the pillow. Deadpool went so far as to tuck her in under the covers not really understanding why he was doing all of this. It just suddenly mattered to him that she was safe and comfortable. "There you go, much better." Wade said to the sleeping princess. For some reason couldn't help but stare at her. She did look awfully sweet as she snuggled with a pillow with a content smile. _"Sorry about putting you through all this."_ Deadpool thought as a pang of guilt struck him as he watched her sleep. _"Wait, what the hell!?" _Wade suddenly thought. _"None of this ever mattered to me before so why now!?" _He quickly exited the room and closed the door behind him catching one last glimpse of snoozing Snow White before he shut the door.

Getting into his own room and turning on the light, Deadpool ripped off his mask examined himself with a mirror. Examining his usual scarred face, Wade stuck out his tongue and pulled his eyelids to get better look at his eyes. He didn't feel sick. "What the hell was that all about, I never feel bad about anything?" Deadpool wondered aloud. But then remembering when he locked up Weasel and Blind Al in the 'room.' "Ok well maybe not everything, but that's a while ago. Besides I've done a lot worse than this since then." Wade contemplated to himself. Suddenly something occurred to Wade. "Wait! When I brought her here, could she have gotten…." Deadpool almost couldn't say it. But it did make sense. Going back to her room Wade slowly opened the door to observe Snow. "Are you a mutant?" Wade wondered to himself as he watched the sleeping Princess.

* * *

Okay well that concludes that. I hope you all enjoyed it. This will be a standalone one shot. (At least for a while) I thought about using Cinderella originally (even had a rough draft written) but didn't like the plot hole of how Wade came to be in her world. I also thought about using Aurora in a completely different story. (Wade would have been more heroic protagonist in that story) But I struggled forever to get a cohesive plot going so I abandoned it (For now at least, The idea of Maleficent Vs Deadpool is too awesome for me to abandon it completely). So I ended using Snow White and finally and everything just flowed beautifully. If you guys enjoyed it please feel free to give me suggestions on where you would like to see the story go, because right now I have no Idea what comes next. Thanks for reading.


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